Miriam O. Ezenwa, PhD, RN, FAAN

Greetings, my people! On Week 4 of our series, Strategies for Strengthening your Core and your Will to Turn your life Around, I will discuss “Self-love,” the fourth strategy I used to turn my life around. I will start by asking you four questions to stir your souls. Here you go:

What is self-love? How much love have you given yourself today? Can you give to others what you don’t have? Is self-love equal to selfishness?

Self-love simply means to have respect and affection for your own happiness and well-being. Self-love is necessary because you have to love yourself enough to want to pursue your own happiness and well-being first before focusing on happiness and wellbeing of others. You have to fill your cup of self-love until it overflows. You can then give love to others from your overflow. Why? You cannot give what you don’t have.

A practical example of self-love is evident in the pre-flight safety instructions. The flight attendant instructs passengers that in case of loss of oxygen pressure, they should put on their oxygen masks first before helping others. Why? If you don’t have enough oxygen, you will become unconscious and will not be able to help others with their oxygen masks. Love is like air. Therefore, you cannot give to others the love you need to survive yourself.

Another way to look at self-love is to examine what the Bible says about love — love thy neighbor as thyself. The bible did not say to love your neighbor first. Experience is the best teacher. Thus, you cannot love others as thyself when you have not learned how to “love” by loving yourself first.

Frequently, many people ignore loving themselves to the fullest first. Instead, they first focus on loving others. As a woman, I understand this issue because I am guilty of it.  Soon, we become overwhelmed with all kinds of negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, and sadness. In time, these negative emotions turn into resentment directed at the persons upon whom we’ve scarified our self-love. As time passes, the resentment will turn into conflicts that may ruin relationships. Why? We ran out of love to share because we took from the cup of self-love and not from its overflow.

No! Self-love is your lifeline. When you are filled with love, you are vibrating at the highest frequency of positive emotions and connecting with God, the Higher Power, or the Creative Source. Filled with the positive and creative energy, you will be in a better position to take care of whatever it is that needs your attention including loving others and pursuing your dreams.

I know this process works. By practicing self-love, I opened up my heart and mind, which improved my physical and mental energies to nurture my relationships with family and friends while I pursued and manifested my dreams.

How does one practice self-love? The two main ways I have practiced self-love are: (1) self-care; and (2) use of positive affirmations.

Self-care involves:

• Reserving a “me time.” I devote this time to my needs and myself.
• Practicing breathing slowly and deeply
• Getting uninterrupted sleep, as much as possible
• Engaging in laughter everyday. I intentionally search for short comedies or funny video clips of kids doing goofy stuff to watch. I laugh aloud as my worries wither away.
• Exercising, as much as possible for you
• Eating healthy diets and drinking plenty of water
• Celebrating even minor achievements. I reward myself by eating something I rarely eat such as ice cream
• Connecting with God/Creator/Higher Being/Universe through daily prayer or meditation

Positive self-affirmation: Mirror technique. With this technique, I stand in front of a mirror for 5 minutes in the morning and at night. I tell myself how wonderful and blessed I am to be a woman created in the image and likeness of God. I tell myself

• I am:              
  • Awesome
  • Worthy
  • Intelligent
  • Limitless
  • Unstoppable
  • Resilient
  • Love
  • Healthy
  • Beauty
  • Successful
  • Abundance
  • Inspired
  • Hardworking
  • Efficient
  • Productive
  • Other words that would lift up my mood

If you practice self-affirmations, you will notice that your mood will change from negative to positive, your cry will turn to joy, and your thoughts of impossibilities will change to thoughts of “how can I improve my current circumstance.” 

I invite you to develop your own self-love routine.

I would love to hear from you about your success with practicing self-love.

I will connect with you again soon to discuss the fifth strategy I used to turn my life around — deliberate actions.

I wish you strength, always!

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Please Stay Tuned …